1. You will hate your music. You know that song that you quite like but the hook is a little bit annoying. By the time you’ve listened to it repeatedly for the period of 2 hours, by the time the backing vocals have been overdubbed, annoying will not even be the word.

2. You will hate your band mates. Lock yourself in a small control room with your band mates. Now stay there for 8 hours listening to that annoying hook and chain smoking. Now tell me you like them.

3. It will sound shit. Are you paying for it? Yes? Well you can’t afford a good quality recording then. Your mate who has a “home studio” is actually a man with 20 year-old copy of Cubase on an Atari ST and a garage, which he has padded out with duvets.

4. Your will never make back the money you spend on a recording. Major labels don’t so why should you?

5. Financial distress. £50 each seems like a good deal. Shame the guitarist forgot to bring any money and you have to sub the drummer until his cheque comes in. And then they forget at the next band practise and then you can’t afford your rent and then you don’t want to be in a band with losers anymore. Never record your band.

6. Musical differences. You’ve paid your money, chances are you will be being “produced” by the guy that owns most of the equipment. That guy is probably older. That guy’s record collection stops at Status Quo. That guy is deciding what your recording will sound like.

7. Your music is a pathetic impression of all your favourite bands. Why subject anyone to it when they can buy the original records and hear it done better?

8. Only you want a physical recording of your work. Admit it. This one is for you and no one else. Maybe Dave will play it down the local indie disco. Maybe you’ll get another gig out of it that you then have to convince your mates to go to. Maybe you’ll put it on a shelf and try to forget you made it.

9. It’s better to be a theoretical musician than a documented bad one. Don’t record and the chicks will never know that you can’t actually play drums for shit.

10. Your band suck. Really. Think about it. Do you have a following? Do you look at the crowd at your gigs and recognise everyone there? Do you even have gigs?